Rise to the Sun by Leah Johnson

Author:Leah Johnson [Johnson, Leah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
Published: 2021-05-13T00:00:00+00:00

SATURDAY AFTERNOON

My mind is reeling and I’m doing my best to keep from losing whatever cool I’ve managed to fake thus far, but I’m quickly unraveling. Did I maybe stretch the truth about how comfortable I am performing in public? Maybe. But that was manageable until that—admittedly cute if a little awkward—Mack girl came over and made Toni do that smile I’ve only seen her do once before.

Does it mean something? Are they just really cordial exes? Toni did say they used to hang out, but maybe that’s just cool roadie code for We definitely used to hook up. I mean, it’s not like she’s explicitly said that there’s anything going on here besides a few stolen moments that could’ve meant something but could be denied if pressed.

I know it shouldn’t matter, that it’s none of my business, that I’m the one who made it a point not to kiss her last night, but I’m suddenly buzzing with jealousy. It sits low in my belly and snakes its way through my entire body.

My knee bounces and a familiar prickle starts creeping across my skin. I try to rationalize it away, remind myself that it doesn’t matter, that me and Toni are good, that we’ve had a great time together over the past two days. But I can’t stop thinking about what I might be missing. I’m just me, haven’t given her anything but the unbridled version of myself. What if it’s not enough? What if all she needed was a reminder from her past to push her toward the exit?

“Olivia?” My head snaps up.

My brain was skyrocketing to nowhere good, and I’ve been there a thousand times before. But Toni squeezes my hand gently, our only point of contact, and brings me back down to earth. Her face is soft and her smile is different than any of the others we’ve shared so far. It’s the type of smile that tells me I’m already too far gone for my own good. That despite my best efforts—and I do mean the very best I’ve ever given—there’s no way this weekend ends without me losing just a bit of myself in this thing between us.

It’s enough to make the questions disappear.

“Yeah?”

“Can I …”

And it’s like the dance barn all over again, only this time, it’s better. I’m not wondering whether or not I’m making the right choice, I’m not second-guessing myself. We made it here. We did this.

I don’t even shut my eyes as I lean in to meet her lips. I don’t want to miss any of this. It feels like the first time—like the way a first kiss should be. Palms sweaty and so, so soft. Noses brushing just this side of awkward. It’s so much and not enough and it’s over too soon.

She pulls back and smiles.

“I just had to do that before we went out there,” she says. I bob my head up and down because I’m pretty sure if I tried to speak it would come out as gibberish right now.

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